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Your Grandfather 你爺爺
A well dressed young man demanded as soon as he entered the restaurant:"Serve me, quick! Give me your best. I don't care the price."Not like the way he talked, the waiter said to him: "Hey Buddy, it d
愚人笑話
King and Knave 國王和無賴
George Ⅲ asked the once wellknown wit, Horne Tooke,whether he could play cards.Your Majesty, replied Tooke, I am a mere childwhere cards are concerned. I cannot even tell a King from a Knave.喬治三世
CD Player CD唱機
While shopping for my first CD player, I was able to decipher most of the technicalese on the promotional signs. One designation had me puzzled, though, so I called over a salesperson and asked, What
They're all drowned 他們全都淹死了
The great painter was asked, one day to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. A little while after the picture had been commenced, a hitch（故障） arose over the fee, and Hogarth found that he
Gallant Effort 殷勤
At a dinner party a shy young man had been trying to think of something nice to say to his hostess. At last he saw his chance when she turned to him and remarked, "What a small appetite you have tonig
What Was It She Wanted 她要買什么
A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer. No, ma’am, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting soon.Horrified, the manager came runningover to the customer
I Drop my Weight From Skipping
Mr. Smith was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet."I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have
Fishing 釣魚
Larry and Harry drove 500 miles to go fishing. They paid a huge sum to rent a cabin, a similar about to rent a boat. They fished for three days and caught only one fish between them.On the way home, H
旅行社笑話一則
A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus（河馬）, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said "Are you sure that's the name of the town?"
英語笑話：誰欠誰錢
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do
Please Call
A Newspaper carried this classified ad, "The man who picked up my wallet on Market Street was recognized." He is requested to return it.A few days later this ad appeared, "The recognized man who picke
Class, Lass and Ass
Professor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day,so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: "Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow."A student, seeing his chance t
Perfect Match
A wealthy matron（主婦，保姆） is so proud of a valuable antique（古董） vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes clo
A Stingy Guy
Matt and his wife lived in the country. Matt was very stingy（吝嗇的） and hated spending money. One day a fair came to the nearby town."Let’s go to the fair, Matt,” his wife said, “We h
Put my beard on again
A man who sold brooms went into a barber's shop to get shaved. The barber bought one of his brooms, and, when he had shaved him, asked for the price of it."Two pence,"said the man."No, no, "said the b
The Grounded Conductor
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you rea
US Highway 22
The highway patrolman sported a car driving dangerously slow on a much-traveled freeway. He pulled it over and found the driver to be an elderly lady with four other older women as passengers."Lady,"
Safe and Sound
A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering（蹣跚的） under a huge buck（雄鹿） ."Where's Harry?", asked another hunter."He fai
Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving c
A Driving Debacle
A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?""No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am please
A Private Conversation
Last week I went to the theatre. I had a good seat. The play was interesting. I didn't enjoy it. A young man and a young woman were sitting behind me. They were talking loudly. I got very angry. I cou
Blind,Blond & Ballsy
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?"The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional
Napoleon Was Ill
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. Ho
Canine Complex
A man walked into the office of the eminent（杰出的，有名的） psychiatrist（精神病學家） Dr. Von Vermouth, and sat down to explain his problem."Well, you see, I've got this problem," the man continued. "I keep
The Heaven and the Hell
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory（煉獄） , being sized up by God. Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After al
A Way to Make Money
Mother had decided to trim（修剪，整理） her household（家庭的，日常的） budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress drycleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, "J
A Chimpanzee and a Norwegian
In 1990 the Swedes sent their first rocket up into outer space with a crew consisting of a chimpanzee（黑猩猩） and a Norwegian. On the control panel in front of them was a red light and a green light. Wh
